I have this insane headache. I didn't drink enough water or eat any food yesterday so now it's hitting back at me. I hate reality, and no matter how hard I try to stay away from it, it always comes back and hits me in the face. If only I could get a restraining order...
I have many times thought about scarring myself in the face. Just to look less like a wimp and lessen my chances of getting victimized ...again. I think I was somewhere between seven and twelve when this thought first came to mind, I saw a picture of some guy (drawn or photo, I don't remember) with a long scar across one eye, and his eye looked whiteish also. Now, I wouldn't aim for my eyes, but back then I wanted to look like that. So you see, my obsession with scars has been on my mind for quite some time, even before I started cutting myself. Maybe even it was a reason for it? And I really like my self made scars, and often even refer to them as "jewelry".
Have I even changed at all over years? Or do I just reveal more about myself now?
The thing is though, how the hell would I explain a huge fucking wound in my face to family, doctors, the crew and such? I wouldn't do this in self harm purposes, rather as some sort of unconventional protection. I've thought of getting a scarification done by a professional, but then there is the money and to find a person who could do such a thing, ...and who isn't Frankenstein.
But how would I do it? I don't know. I don't want it to look like a self inflicted wound, and I would probably have it done on my right cheek. How deep, how long, what angle, I don't know. I do realise how stupid a decision this sounds, but I believe I have my reasons. The thing is though, it would be quite a mess if I'd come to regret it. But then again, I'll grow acustomed to it. Like the scar on my neck: first I thought it looked cool, then I regretted it, but now I'm quite fine with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment