The spellcheck system on my OpenOffice is weird. It didn't recognise the word "merfolk". And since I had to go with the U.S English settings, it constantly complains about my Brittish spelling, which in no way is wrong, for that matter. Just less "Z" and more "U" here and there.
I notice that the more I write, the adventure is turning into a beautiful love story with humoristic undertones. I listen to Enya and I'm struck by the feeling of homesickness again. I think I miss Caspian more than I miss Dala itself, and I realise that I do know what true love is. That I have experienced it, and I think it is gonna show in this story. That my love for Caspian is very strong, immortal and unconditional. And maybe this is why I can't let go completely and fall for a human to 100%, always feeling the situation is never good enough. Because I can't let go of Caspian, and I just want to find him in this world, hidden in a human somehow. I'm looking for him, even though I know he's not here.
I think I'm a bit extra fragile lately, fantasising about people that don't exist, places that don't exist. I feel so lonely, homesick and heartbroken. I try not to think about suicide again, but it's hard. Thinking I can't go on much longer so far from home. But I know that I can, cause I have been able to go on for twenty four years. But 24 years is a really short time, and sometimes I feel like I've only been alive here for a couple of days. I'm not planning anything, just thinking about it. I wish I didn't though. It makes living so much harder.
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