Saturday, 28 September 2013

Bleeding heart

Okay, I have a new theory about why I can't eat or sleep. I’m lovesick. I can't think of anything else than him, his picture glued on my eyes, his written words on my mind, his soul in my heart. He rules my world. Blinding me, leading me astray. I don't even know if it's really him I adore, or if it's my idea of who he is. I’ve never fallen for someone I have never really met in real life before, but to be honest, it's not that much different from it how was when I sort of worshiped Tomb. Sure I met him every day in School, but I never got to know him, not really.

I'm building a shrine of pictures and written messages, but I never really talk to my crush. Just brief conversations. Not actual, deep conversations about who we are. I idolise an idea, an assumption, a face and listed facts. Trying to figure out his personality through tumblr posts and Facebook links. But there's only so much you can find, and how can I really know who he is, at heart and in soul, without actual conversations and actions?

And it's not like I can just pay him a visit cause I was “in the neighbourhood”, cause that neighbourhood is in Stockholm, and I can't just go randomly back and forth with the ferry, no matter how damn fucking much I want to. But I will meet him, I’ll try to figure out a way to make sure our paths cross someday. For more than those two minutes we talked when I saw him briefly a year ago. For it feels like I’m in love with a ghost

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