Knowing what it is, is the first step

I just came across this word: limerence, that I've never heard of before. I couldn't find a Swedish translation, cause it's truly a unique word, and quite beautiful if I may add. The sort of love I always en up in, to different degrees. Even for imaginary people. (Now that where my slight case of insanity comes in on a corner.) Various sites back me up on the fact that it can indeed be fatal. Why did I never look this up before? I could have gotten help for it, back in 2011. But instead I felt so utterly stupid and like such a fool, like I had literally torn my own heart out of my chest and stomped on it. That it was all my fault, and I was ashamed of telling psychiatrists about it. If only I had known... then maybe I wouldn't have been just a heartbeat away from succeeding suicide.

Limerence is when your crush turns into an obsession and you lose control over your emotions. It's a word for being in love with someone who doesn't love you back, whom you may not even have the courage to ask out. This can lead to symptom such as:
- mania or hypomania
- depression -- tearfulness
- insomnia/acute insomnia
- anorexia -- lack of appetite (Wikipedia may not be entirely correct in this particular case, cause I seriously doubt that it can lead you to think that you're fat and should lose weight. Rather it's just a loss of apetite and feeling that you can't, don't need or want to eat. Or well, that's how it is in my case.)
- stress - high blood pressure, pain in chest and heart
- obsessive-compulsive disorder -- preoccupation and hoarding of valueless but superstitiously resonant items
In general psychologically created physical symptoms such as upset stomach, change in appetite, insomnia, dizziness, and confusion.

Now this is surely a slight revelation, cause it means I'm not losing my mind, and my subconscious is not playing tricks on me. I'm just truly, madly, deeply in love. And it's killing me. Why do I always get the bad stuff...? I'm still struggling with insomnia and starvation. Even the chocolate cupcakes sickens me, I couldn't eat a single bite, I don't don't have any apetite at all. Coffee, on the other hand I can drink lots of. The acute insomnia is also working out terrificly. So for the last few days: I was awake for 42 hours straight, slept for 7 hours, and then been awake for another 24 hours. So I've slept for just 7 hours in 3 days. And now I'm hypo-manic...

Now this calls for playing some Savage Garden, whom have made a song called just "Truly, madly deeply" along with a couple of others on the same subject. No I'm not sobbing and hugging a pillow, I'm smirking and shaking my head because I'm glad I realised something important.