This might be a really stupid idea... but I'm thinking on start cutting again, just to make me stop doing all the other crazy self harm shit. It's impossible for me to stop, and just because it's not leaving scars it doesn't mean it's okay. I can even self harm by conciously thinking about things I don't want on my mind. Which in turn makes me self harm through other means.
So tell me, is it better if I starve myself until I collapse, keep myself awake until the absolute breaking point, bang my head and fists into walls, overdose on my meds, deliberately staying cold, biting and burning myself with cigarettes, alcoholism, drinking so much coffee that I start to hallucinate... than to cut myself? I believe that if I start cutting again, all or almost all of these other things mentioned won't happen again.
I've had to tell people over and over again that my cutting habit was in no way near dangerous or life threating, bacause I have so much self control about it that it's ridiculous! Always use clean tools, always cut a perfect, one millimeter wide cut, just enough for it to bleed and sting a little, keep the wound clean and always be aware of any changes that could be infection - but it's never been any infections. Maybe once, in over 9 years. It's not gonna harm me in the long run, it heals up and leaves a scar, and that's all. But look at me now... I'm a fucking mess! Was it worth all this shit just to stop cutting? No way!
I did everything I had in my power to stop abusing that razorblade, and good thing going! -everyone said. Yeah yeah, right... Are we all that scared of blood and scars that a superficial cut that heals without any complication is somehow considered more serious than starvation, intoxication and causing myself a concussion?! Cause if these are my choices... I think it's better if I just start cut myself again.
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