I'm done running

Y, I can't keep being too tired for this, I have to collect my diminishing thoughts and speak my mind. It's not gonna get any better, I might not even have any good days left.

I was a bit worried that you thought that poem of mine was directed at you when it wasn't. I'm glad we sorted that out.

Yes, I too think that the wall between us needs to be there, but I feel we are closer to break it. Not forcefully, but as if it breaks down almost on its own. I know I don't need to push it, it will happen in due time.

I do know what you are capable of, or at least I might have a feeling of it. You haven't scared me so far, but I know I can't truly know what you can possibly unleash before it happens. All I can do is be prepared, and I think that's worth it, even if I'm not prepared.

I really do hope that you'll bite back if/when I do lash out on you. I want you to give me all you've got if I ever do. I've been thinking about your question and the only honest answer I can give is, I think so, but I can't promise that when facing it I really could. Leaving my rational thinking out of it and only relying on my feeling, I think I could take it. I'm not afraid of what possibly could happen, even if my mind can't take me that far. Perhaps it should surprise me, perhaps I'm not even supposed to be able to be prepared.

I'm done running. I might take a hesitant step, but no more running. And I seriously doubt that I would run from you, again. I really do think that it's a thing of the past, that I'm past that point now, whatever happens. No, I don't think we can be whole without one of either gentleness or rage, we need both and all that makes us what we are. At least that's my belief.

Can I? I don't know, but I want to.

And you should know I have one reason for still holding back when writing to you in a public forum: it's public. I still fear the world we live in, I can't be 100% open here. For safety reasons. My own and others.