Suspicious and nervous

Do I look like a thug or something? Cause I was just taking my regular nightly walk and the police just stopped me. I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack or something. Okay they just talked to me, asked me where I was heading and such, but I really didn't like it. I haven't done anything but what if they thought I had? Yeah, I can feel the panic...

That's the third time I've ever been confronted by the cops. The panic gets worse every time. Soon they'll probably arrest me for having a pure panic attack. Can they do that? Holy crap, keep breathing... I guess this should make me reconsider walking at night.

Oh sure I have done things, ages ago, and maybe that's what's making my heart beat its way out of chest. What did they even want? The thought keeps haunting me. I can't think, I can't feel.

I know my fear of the law might be slightly irrational, but you haven't lived my life. And as I've just these past days dared to be more open about my crimes... yeah I get suspicious and nervous. Though I do know there has been a few crimes going on here in Hemse lately (which I've not been responsible for in the least) so maybe that's what it's about, them lurking around the quiet corners late at night, scaring the living shit out of me.

Tomorrow I'll take my walk earlier, maybe around 18 or 19:00 o'clock. Maybe I'm scaring people, I don't fucking know. Oh, anyhow, I burned 185 calories from that walk but I have no idea how many calories I've consumed because of all my purging. I'll still count everything at the end of the day. I'm boiling up two eggs now that I think should stay in my stomach. I need something cause can't die just yet. If I purge everything I eat, who knows the exact danger of that? Pretty damn high risk of death, is my guess.

I popped 5 Ex-lax today as well. Just kinda needed them cause starving... not so good for your stomach. It's been building up for about a week now so just need to get things moving again. I won't get dependent on laxatives cause I know that's a bad idea. I only take them if I need them, which is at most once a week or once every other week, just to help things along.

It's either that or eat crazy amounts of oatmeal. And I'm not in a period for eating crazy amounts of oatmeal. So, I just had my 2 eggs with a little bit of mayonnaise, which I count up to 180 calories. That can stay, it's safe food and I need some kind of food this not so lovely Tuesday. To me it's still Tuesday, even though it's technically Wednesday now, cause I haven't gone to bed yet.

It's 5:28 and that means bed, now. I've said all I had to say for now, so yeah. Good night or something.