Shaping up

I finally had a talk with my mother. I had an anxiety outbreak and taking my pills for that made the whole experience even worse. So instead of spiraling completely out of control I called my mother yesterday. I ended up confessing about one thing and the other, and then I also explained that about her not believing me. Also Schizophrenia came up, but to my utmost surprise it wasn't I who mentioned it! How interesting that she also had been thinking of that possibility. We cleared up our misconceptions and I got a few answers to my queries. I didn't tell her about my Satanism, but I did tell her about my previous alcoholism, hypnophobia and cutting. So I got a little off my chest.

Had an appointment with my psychiatrist today, and told her about my messy addiction journey I had going on this summer, my sleeping problems and what more. Got a different type of as needed meds for my anxiety and she sent a referral to someone who can help me quit smoking, on my request of course. I also whined about the psychiatry not doing a shit to help me heal my mental wounds. Not much she could do about that though, but I’m off to Vuxenhabiliteringen on Friday so I can keep on whining there instead.

The solution we agreed on, about my sleeping problem, is as follows. Stop consuming caffeine after 5 o'clock in the evening, start taking my sedatives/sleeping pills again, get a circadian rhythm again with help from the crew. I asked them if they can wake me up a bit more brutally in the morning, and they said they can absolutely do that. They're handy like that. I also got a higher dosage on my mood stabilisers, to get my extra extreme mood swings under control again. My motivator for getting in better shape is to be fit for surgery, and so we all (me, my mother and the psychiatrist) agreed that is a good motivator. So it's high time for me to pull myself together a bit again.