I'll smoke you like a cigarette

I’m less drowsy now, that took a while to wake up from... For some reason I am more, or most often

tired at night instead of day nowadays. That's odd. I don't remember it being like that since my childhood. Am I losing my nocturnalness? Hope not, that would make me sad. I adore the night, the darkness, the calm, the stars and the silence. And I keep inventing words... well, at least they're understandable...

I’m burning my favourite incense called “Dragon's blood” but I’m not sure what it smells like. A little woody maybe. It has a thick, sweet, metallic, kinda heavy smell. Almost a bit like blood. Smoked, spiced and burned blood. No, I don't know, and it doesn't say on the box.

I’ve noticed that while sleeping I always have to lie on my side, cause it feels like I’m lying uncomfortably on my wings and tail when I’m on my back, and like I’m pulling my neck out of joint when I’m on my stomach. That's one of the reasons I hate sharing bed with someone if it's a small bed and I can't room if I lie on my side. I basically can't sleep at all if I'm forced to lie in any other position. Then it's more comfortable on a pile of clothes on the floor. I'm fat enough to make that fairly comfortable...

I’m feeling a bit disorganised today, forgetting things and it's hard to concentrate on anything, even the fun and or interesting things. I even forget my cigarette, that I’m holding one and when I wanna take another drag it has gone out. So then I light a new one and the same thing happens. Goddamn waste of good smokes! But I hate relighting them after they've been put out. I’m still highly sensitive to smells (I can sense the difference between the smell of the smoke and the one from the cigarette itself from several decimetres away) and the sour bitterness disgusts me. And just that the taste/smell difference between brands is so immense I can't stand most of them. Only the best for me! And that is obviously Lucky Strike. I’m picky that way.

People seem to often be fascinated by my choice of cigarette brand, some even asking where I buy them. Well, almost every tobacco store and some convenient stores sells them... I don't even know why I like them so much, just that I started smoking them because Berny Pålsson wrote about them in her first autobiography. Also the way I smoke seem to surprise people, because I hold the smoke in for between 3 and 15 seconds normally. Breath control. I think the smoke stings too much in my mouth when I don't do that. I really don't do anything normally, do I?

Another pointless entry I realise, but I can't be interesting every minute of the day. Just wanna vary the pointless scrolling with some pointless writing, and what better way to do that than to ramble on my blog? Don't wanna fill out my paper diary with nonsense, after all those are quite expensive. They have to have blank pages in A5 size and not be too thin so that they can last a little while. They usually cost between 70 and 150 kronor, and some of them are filled to the brim with words within a week. Though that rarely happens, only if I’m left without access to a computer in a longer period of time. I do a lot of that, just writing down thoughts and feelings for no purpose or real meaning behind it. Some of it I post here, but most of it I just store on the computer. I’ve written somewhere around 30.000 words within this week alone.  

I’m addicted to writing. That sounds a bit absurd, I know, but it's also somewhat true. You can basically become addicted to everything and if you write thousands of words a day, I'd say you're pretty darn addicted!

I'm talking more to Vargyl nowadays (why does an American/Australian guy have Swedish name, by the way? Or is it pronounced “war-guile”? Really should just ask him, if I get around to that... is it silly that I feel embarrassed asking him that? I mean, since he's a figment of my imagination and all.) I'm still a bit scared of him sometimes, he's quite tricky, and I always have a sensation that he's up to something. But he's sweet and kind, though he doesn't talk much and always with short sentences. Our conversations often die out after a few exchanges of words, or how to say it.

Me: You're so sweet.

Vargyl: Thank you.

Me: I love you.

Vargyl: No you don't.

Me: I'm sorry...

Vargyl: It's okay, you don't need to.