Messages

Yesterday I watched the film "Clean, shaven" about a schizophrenic man searching for his daughter. Some weird indie film it was, shown from the main character's perspective, and had I not read about it on Wikipedia I wouldn't have understood a daft, to be honest. However, I did count everything I have in common with this main character, mostly to not get too bored with the film. This is what I got:
1. We both hear voices.
2. And dislike mirrors.
3. Engage in self harm.
4. Littering and collecting junk from the streets.
5. And we're both recluses.
6. Oh, and we listen for messages on the radio, though I'm more for the TV myself.

Apparently I like counting things, and most preferably very unnecessary things that don't need to be counted. I do seem to get more messages lately, especially from the registration plates on cars, and I really need to get a frigging TV. I mean I do pay for the damn TV-licence already, so I might just as well. And I feel it's something important they wanna tell me. Also I could use a little extra guidance.

Cause that's what it is really, almost like a religion, but not really. You get messages from a higher power, you don't really know who or what is sending them, or why you have been "chosen" but it seems legit for some reason.

Yeah, crazy talk, I get it. And I don't expect you to understand either. I mean I don't quite understand it myself.

It seems I'm starting to get dependent on my sleeping pills, though I can keep taking Imovane every night for at least two weeks or so before my doctor is gonna start complaining. But still, it's not good collecting addictions as if they were figurines or something.

I'm sort of drawn to bad habits whether it's adding something or stop doing something. All potentially dangerous and I suppose that's the thrill of it. Or something. To avoid boredom or for self medication, or even contemplating suicide at worst.

I need to finish packing and stuff. Then maybe this will be my last entry for a week or so, until I get back from Uppsala. Can't bring my computer so. It's a bit heavy and not really something you just shove into a backpack. Yep, back to packing.