Pushing it

Sometimes I forget to breathe when I’m around my love on the internet. I get reminded by Anna yelling at me to breathe for fucks sake and I have no idea what she's on about all of a sudden. It's a positive oxygen deprivation though. Well, that came out wrong... what I mean is the reason why I suddenly just stop breathing without me noticing it, is due to positive things. Sometimes I’m afraid that “this time he really read between the lines, realised I’m having intentions and I’ve scared him off” and other times I catch myself almost thinking maybe he has intentions too which makes me a little bubbly inside.

I’m playing a dangerous but very fun game (one could almost call it flirting): sending him very vague signals hidden in normal, friendly conversations. Like writing in a heart in a sentence referring to something we both like, but in my mind and in the way the sentence is structured, the heart could be meant directly to him, but only if you really read a lot into it. Or if you read my blog and every post I’ve answered on Facebook you might be able to figure it out as well. I don't really know how good I am at mind games...

Now I don't do that all the time of course, only if I an do it neatly and if I’m 110% sure it doesn't look suspicious. On a subconscious level of some kind I want him to notice, but most of my common sense and self-preservation does not want him to notice, since that could be quite devastating. So why do I do it then? I’ll get back to you when I figure out an answer...