I really did it. Can't believe it. That I cut me in the face, on my
right cheek. Superficial wounds (two lacerations that I sort of fused
together in a tilted, up-side-down “Y”. I’m not sure I should
post a picture, but I might as well. Sort of “pics or it didn't
happen” or something. It did bleed a bit for a minute or so. Many
little veins in the face, so it probably just bled more because of
that, in spite of how deep the wounds are.
I don't know what's gone into me, how crazy must I be to do such a
thing? I’ll probably do it again even. Make it deeper, make it
last, interfering with the healing process. “I can cause you
pain and make it last.”* Yep. Very stable of me. Mother is
gonna sigh despondently and tell me how stupid it was of me to do
that. My new shrink is gonna freak out. Everyone will lecture me or
be sympathetic. They won't understand, how can they? I don't
understand it. Except that I’m crazy, and my self harm habit is
spiraling out of control. It stings like nothing else.
Well, I cleaned and patched it up over the night when I slept. Went
to bed a little earlier tonight, but I still got barely 7 hours of
sleep. I'll probably get sleep deprivation (as if I didn’t have
that before) but a bit more structured such, perhaps.
*Warning sensitive viewers*
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