Out of my hands

So I’ve been trying to install this PC game “Alice Madness Returns” that I’ve had lying around for a while. But it's so fucked up just trying to install the shit and making it work! I don't understand what I’m doing wrong! Ended up screaming at the top of lungs that I hate it, hate it so fucking much, why can't it be easy, why can't anything ever be easy?  Suddenly understand why I just stick to WoW and never try anything new... it's so much hassle around it, it's so damn frustrating it's just not worth it. But I really wanna give this game a chance. But how am I supposed to do that when everything just keeps buggering? Something or someone is feeding me anxiety, and I think it is God. That fucker.

What he fuck is wrong with me today?! I’ve had three anger outburst in less than 15 minutes, my throat hurts, my fists and fingers hurt, as well as everything inside me. I thought yesterday was a bad day... Today seem to be worse, at least it started off worse, it's still only morning. I can't press the keyboard keys any harder, yet I still miss out letters! It's like those old typing machines you basically need a frigging hammer to make the ink stick on the paper. Yeah I have one of those, from the 60's or 70's I think. Perhaps even from the 50's.

There's just not enough anxiolytic drugs in the goddamn world for what I feel today. Just bloody kill me! I can't even use OpenOffice without raging. It crashed repeatedly (it's never done that before). I guess it's just the document that has gotten too big, or how to say it. However, I won't use it anymore today. There should be a page limit for when it starts crashing. It seems to be somewhere around 30-40 pages.

Fuck it all. All this shit just reminds me of why I never want to do anything at all out of the ordinary. It's not Asperger or any other mental disorder shit, it's because everything just fucks up all the damn time. My ability to be a complete failure just makes wanna crawl into a cocoon and stay there for the rest of my miserable life.

It's just one of those days, huh? There some to be quite many of those, don't you think? I'm sooo damn close to just give it all up again. Say "fuck you and all your shit" to life itself and jump off a roof top. Cause all this shit isn't worth enduring for the few things that are good in life. I can count those on one hand, but the everything negative is countless. Fucking countless!

I don't just have a little anxiety, I don't know what's going on to be honest. A lot of anxiety, so damn much I can't even begin to comprehend it. I know it's out of my hands when I'm popping pills until I'm constantly drugged and cutting myself until I'm constantly bleeding. The anxiety is eating me alive, it's fucking eating me alive. Why can't these damn pills work!? Why am I even paying for them?! I can swear they're all made of sugar, or fake sugar, cause otherwise they'd make me fat.