Running from reality

Going to go to the gym today, not just have to, I'm really going. But I still haven't eaten and I don't think I can. Would it be a terribly bad idea to go there and work my ass off without having eaten in 24 hours? Sure it should be more effective, right? Burning off calories without adding any, I mean. Okay, I guess I can take a diet drink. But then I'll have to burn more than 180 calories. If I drink it all, that is. Maybe I'll just have half of it or something.

Gah, there's definitely something wrong with me if I think 180 calories for an entire day is too much... Don't wanna obsess about calories again. It was stressful enough last spring/summer. Though I do remember some of what I calculated back then, that one lump of sugar contains 16 calories for example. And one glass of milk about the same amount. Lol, that makes it like 50 calories in just one cup of coffee for me. Trying not to get bothered by that.

I'm so tense today, don't know why. Well I have been all week, probably just got too much on my mind lately. Exercise, food and K mostly. And that coat I'm making. Almost forgot about that one. I only have to get buttons now, if I can just get my ass off to the fabric store before they close down for good. If they do, I'll have to think of something else. Some other way to get buttons. It's been said that they're going out of business "sometime soon" for over a year now.

That damn diet drink contains sugar. What the fuck? I thought you're supposed to avoid that when you're on a diet to lose weight, which is what they are made for. I don't understand...

Just got back from the gym. Feeling kinda awesome after working out for an hour. Did only upper body today, and didn't forget my stomach muscles. There were a lot of people there today, and I don't know exactly why but I had a hard time knowing where to look. Didn't want to accidentally stare at someone. Lots of good looking people of all genders and my mind just kept wandering instead of focusing on what I was there to do.

I had so much anxiety prior to going to the gym. I don't know why I did. Just hoping that the more I go there the less anxiety I'll get because of it. Like getting used to it or something. Pretty sure I burned more calories than I ate today, which is kinda awesome. So now I don't feel bad sitting by my computer again and listening to insanely loud music.