For health

It's getting hard to starve myself, I keep falling into temptation and then I hate myself for it. So I wrote up a list of do's and don't's when I'm feeling hungry or want to eat, along with general rules I set up for myself. You don't have to tell me how stupid or wrong this is, I already know. I'm not oblivious to the risks and stupidity about what it is I'm doing.

I'm just desperate to lose weight and I know this is the only way I can do it. I can't change my diet cause there are so few things that I can eat now. Chicken and bread, basically. A little veggies on the side, but not much. And candy, which I won't eat for obvious reasons. I can't eat anything else cause it's just too disgusting.

The bad thing is that those sandwiches I live on are made out of white bread and it totally fucks up my stomach cause I'm not getting enough fibres. I need a lot of that and it's basically the only thing I truly need when it comes to food, it seems. I probably won't be able to continue living on only them for much longer because of this, and it sucks, to be honest. Cause I don't know what else I can eat.

Today I'm having water. Massive amounts of water to keep me full, and coffee to numb the hunger and to keep me alert. I've been eating "too much" these last few days so I "need" to not eat for a day or so to get back on track again.

I'm having lots of little hallucinations or illusions, I'm not sure which. I hear things that I want to hear, notifications and messages (like from actual people) and I smell things that aren't there. Right now I smell strawberries. I get a lot of smell hallucinations as of lately, usually different types of food. Could be cause I'm starving though.

I actually got around to fix my new bondage pants so that they fit me better. Cause why buy a smaller size when you can make the ones you've got smaller? I wanted them tighter, even though I could wear them the way they were. They are of a tighter fit than my other bondage pants, so I didn't need to do much. Or well, I took in about a decimetre on each leg...

They fit me like 36" and I'm 33" now. I will probably keep making them smaller as I lose more weight though. I still can't believe almost all of my pants are too big now. I haven't gotten that much smaller on my upper body though, which is good. Though of course I want to be smaller allover, but the proportions are even more important.

I will probably obsess a lot about food and weight today. Usually as soon as I eat something I become so disgusted by myself I can't bear the thought of my goal to lose weight. It's when I'm forcibly hungry that I feel strong, confident and on my way to that goal. That's when thinspiration is helpful and future plans are on top of my list. Well, secondly, since K will always be number one and he goes before everything. Even my own health.