Exercise

I find no peace of mind today. I should go. Leave. Get to the gym. Do something other than smoking and drinking energy drinks and making sure I don't logged out from world of warcraft without actually playing. I feel uneasy, something is bothering me but I can't tell what it is.

I don't want to do anything today. So I will do everything. Logical? In a way. I become unreasonable. Bargaining with my empty stomach and fold for tomatoes and milk. What's the harm in that? Yet I feel guilty for eating. Have I no self control? The gym was closed and I'm close to giving up.

Almost ran on my way back home, thinking I should at least get a little exercise. I want to have an exercise bike at home in my apartment, then maybe I wouldn't have to deal with this anxiety. Need to get one. Should be possible to find one that isn't too expensive. I don't need anything fancy.

Should at least mention it to my mother. Again. I've been nagging about that since I was about 15 years old and never got one. That would be a difficult thing to buy behind her back, since how am I gonna transport it to my apartment? I don't have a car or anything and they're quite heavy. If I buy one in a store I could get help to have it transported, but then it would be too expensive.

If I had one I'm sure I'd get fit kinda quick. And lose a lot of calories. Yes. I need to get one. If I'm so gonna stop smoking for a month again to afford it. And then get that TV installed so that I can watch it while exercising. If my mother has something against that I'm gonna strangle her... with my words.

I write so much that my words seem to have become meaningless. What is the power in my words? Do I not just rant about the same things over and over? They lose their power and become dull.