I'm shifting between feeling happy and missing him so much that it hurts me to tears. Could I get physical wounds inside me from all that pain? Cause it feels like I could. I'm thinking psychosomatic stuff, but I don't know.
Somehow listening to music he likes makes that music awesome to me no matter what it is. I don't understand how that works exactly. Either he's got really good taste in music or I'm not just blinded by love, but also deafened by it... interesting.
That energy drink I had today was absolutely disgusting. I'm starting to get disgusted by the chemical taste of them drinks in general, which is a bit of a problem since I need my caffeine but coffee makes my stomach upset. Like I can't stand it kinda upset. But most energy drinks are okay, it's just that one that was kinda horrible to drink up. Yes, I still drank it. I'm not made of money to just throw in the garbage or pour out in the sink. And besides, caffeine is caffeine.
Damn, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so happy and so messed up all at once. Do I even need to see my shrink? Cause I'm getting happier again. Though I'm afraid it might pass and besides I still have that dark mess crawling inside me.
I'm all light and think everything is awesome and beautiful and the way things are supposed to be. The next moment I'm all dark and depressed and think everything is painful and horrible. No in betweens, it's black or white. Almost a bit like bipolar, but with just a few days between shifts. And I'm not exactly manic when I'm light, just more easy going and cheerful. And I'm not quite depressed when I'm dark either, more just cold and distracted. I really wanna know what that shit is all about.
No comments:
Post a Comment