Panic

Shit, this is a real panic attack. Cause I'm getting dizzy and my heart is beating its way out of my chest and it's been pounding like that for nearly an hour now. Along with cold sweats and I'm shaking like a leaf. So I took what I had, the rest of my Sobril (30 mg) and 5 mg Zyprexa. Don't know if that is a bad combo, I got pretty desperate. I've never had such a panic attack in a very long time, or if ever.

It was about 20 or so minutes ago that I downed those pills, but my heart still won't calm down. I know why I got the panic attack, but it's something I can't do anything about. Not now at least, cause it's not really regarding me. So I medicate and try to distract myself instead.

Finally the drugs kicked it, and the combination doesn't seem to be bad, not so far at least. I'm feeling low drugged, which is good. Also took a fast paced walk around the house to get some air and get moving a bit. Now I can finally relax a bit. I think I'm starting to calm down now. Though so drugged up I just can't quite focus on anything. Maybe I took a little too much.

I need to get more Sobril, cause Zyprexa just makes me tired and doesn't deal with the physical symptoms of these attacks. I really need to see my psychiatrist for my medicines but I haven't gotten an established contact with one yet. I'm on a stupid waiting list to get an appointment with her. But it should be possible to see another doctor before that, if the waiting is gonna continue for too long.

I know it's hard to get Sobril prescribed, especially since I've been using it irresponsibly for some time a few years ago. And also because I need it in higher dosages. 30 mg is a quite high dosage and it's gonna be hard convincing a doctor to subscribe it to me. But I have to stand my ground and push them a bit. Tell them it's the best thing for this panic and anxiety attacks. And also that my mother keeps track of all the pills I take so she could help me just getting enough to survive and not so much that I can overdose on it. Then I also want to up Abilify without telling why and such. So yeah, just needed to vent a bit.