I wanna draw K again. A proper drawing, the way I know best how to. With black lead pencils in various degrees of softness on paper, smudge and erase and draw for half an eternity. You could say I've practised enough by now. (Think I've drawn him five or six times already). And that is a face I never get tired of looking at. Though I might get disappointed/frustrated if I can't make it right.
Oh god, now I think about Napoleon Dynamite, that he drew a picture of the girl he wanted to go out with and gave it to her and it was a total disaster. What if I screw it up completely? What if I'm not as good at drawing as I think I am? Would I show it to him? I want to draw how I see him, how extremely handsome he is, and not just copy of a photo of him.
It is true that I draw and paint using all sorts of materials, but lead pencils is what I started out with as a kid and I learned how to draw with them, so it's what I'm best at and feel most comfortable with using. And I want to make it as good as I possibly can. I should have a whole day for it though. Preferably sitting outside in a shadow for the best lighting, when it's a warmer weather.
I can't stop thinking about him. Can't focus on anything else. I don't know if it's positive or negative even. My mind is making up more or less likely scenarios, conversations and so on that I just can't help but get pulled into. I'm just sitting here with my fantasies, unable to do anything at all.
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