Them

I think I dreamed about K tonight, but I only remember fragments. Small glimpses that I can't really grab. So I don't really remember. I don't always dream about him, despite what you may think. Don't know why, but it could be that I've started feeling safe in my feelings for him, that not much has changed in the past few months. It is change that sparks weird dreams for me.

There's always something though. Like I dreamed about my hair after I had cut it. Sometimes I dream about things I want to do as well. Almost as if they are sending me messages through my dreams as well. Damn it, won't they ever leave me alone? It's not enough sending me messages through social media's and car registration plates then? They're invading my mind now. Don't ask me how they can do that, they're all powerful and shit. "Them"? Who are they, I don't know. Some sort of higher beings. Not gods, I think. Maybe it's the ghosts that haunt me. Who knows what ghosts are capable of...

I think it's reasonable, on a very unrealistic level. Cause of course it would be more realistic that I'm just crazy, but I think it's not so very far off to believe it's ghosts too. But what do they want from me, other than just scare the shit out of me? Maybe they're bored. Or maybe they have a purpose that I just haven't figured out yet. And that's where all the messages come in. It could be.

I haven't been sick long enough to figure out who "they" are and what they want. Cause they showed up just about a year ago. I'm ambivalent, since I do realise they're delusions and hallucinations, yet I see them as real. I just can't decide if they are real or not. Depends on my mood, I guess.

I do get more messages nowadays, but half of them I can't interpret and the other half I forget. Should definitely write them down, why didn't I think of that before? I could have a whole book just for that, but I'll stick to using my paper diary. I don't write much in it anymore, so it's plenty of room for weird messages. They could be important, like answers or guidance.