Still drawing his picture over and over, as if I'll get it right this time. But I can't rightfully portray such beauty. Don't just make copies of his photos, but try to draw him the way I see him. That is even harder.
Can't stop thinking about my love again. It comes and goes. Usually about three times a day, and ten times a night. I even think about him in my sleep, when I eat, play WoW, listen to music that I know he also likes, when I choose which clothes to put on, light up a new cigarette or when I open a new bottle of Jäger. Almost everything I do remind me of him.
When love becomes an obsession, is it passion or madness? To fall so completely head over heals that you literally can't stay away, can't stop thinking about them, need their picture close to you all the time, find meaning in everything they say and you're constantly looking for signs of that they like you too. You'll do anything for them, die for them, give them all that you have and more.
The thing is, I don't know if I can live without him, but I've never even lived with him. A part of me still can't understand how it's possible to fall so hard for someone who's never showed you any affection. A friend, an acquaintance that you don't know that well - suddenly takes up all the space in your heart and soul. All I ever want is to be with him.
Still I want to believe that a love this strong and intense can be beautiful, if only directed to someone who feels the same way back. I would give everything to experience requited love like that. I don't think I can ever let go of him now. He's in my heart forever and he's so perfect it can't be true. He doesn't deserve me.
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