What I want to tell you, my love

I finally found the lyrics to the song "Kola lake vellari". Some of it translates:
(armaan tumhaare liye kitne dil ne kaise karun main baiyaan):
how should I tell you that how many times my heart has desired you
(zindagi tu, ashiqui tu):
you are my life, you are my love
(dilkashi tu hai):
dilkash: it means what your heart loves, or what your heart finds as beautiful

I just knew it was something like that, and I wasn't completely off. I don't even know in what language it is, but I think it's Hindi. Think I'll cry some more now...

It's getting hard concentrating on the game. The quests are getting boring and my mind starts to wander. Then I have to write it down, have another cigarette, take a leak or get another drink from the fridge. Another good thing about this diet is that I never have stand by the fridge and stare in it to find something to eat. Something that I hate a little less than the rest, and not finding any. Rather starve than eat that crap, sort of thing you know.

My love hasn't been online for a couple of days and I'm starting to get worried again, anxious, sad and more lonely. I miss him. I miss him more when he's not online. It feels like Östersjön between Gotland and the main country is getting bigger every day. But that's not possible, right?

"If you read this, you probably don't know that it's you, but I have a sensation that you do. If you don't wanna tell me, that's okay. I probably wouldn't if I was in your situation either. I just wanna tell you that you're the most handsome, beautiful person I've ever met. The most compassionate, creative, lovable. You're so perfect it can't be true, and I have never loved anyone else the way I love you.

Not even Tomb, not Robin, not even my closest friends and family members, even though that's a different kind of love. You've changed me, cause I've never before thought I'd say that about anyone. I know that you love your girlfriend and I respect that, and as painful as it is, I like her too. Not that way, of course. I could never love anyone else the way I love you.

If I come off as a creep, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do with myself. How to act, how to be. I wanna show you my love without telling you. It's hard to do that over the internet. I wanna be your best friend, someone you can always trust, because you really can. I will always be loyal to you.

It's not your fault that I give up on life, it's entirely my own, never blame yourself for being so amazing you made me fall in love with you. It's just that my heart does its own thing and my brain doesn't know how to react and reason. I've never blamed you, how could I?

I wish I could tell you this in person, but I'm too scared to. Besides, I think it would make us both a bit uncomfortable, and maybe you'd even run for your life from this creepy stalker always obsessing about you. I won't step too close to you, won't invade your privacy unless you let me in. I will keep dreaming, hoping and waiting for as long as I possibly can. Patiently and impatiently, waiting for your move. Because it's not my move to make, not as of now. I just don't wanna ruin our friendship, the most precious thing I have. Cause we are friends, aren't we?

There's so much I want to tell you, all these thoughts and feeling raging tirelessly. Things I've never written here, things only you should know. I think that's it. Keep being your awesome self!"