Nope, still not done crying. I guess that can go on all night. Some people's Tumblr pages are so disturbing. I just ended up on another self harmer's page, and that girl is really into it, or how to say it. Damn have to force myself to not cut, cause she has like a million pictures of cut up arms covering half my screen. It's sooo triggered you can't know.
I would never upload or reblog any of that stuff, even though I'm not hiding that I'm dealing with my problems in the same fucked up way. I post quotes about it though, but that's different. That's letting people know that I suffer without flaunting it as if it was a piece of fashion.
A part of me thinks that these teenagers, or kids (they're usually between 12 and 17 who uploads those kind of pictures) almost take it a little to seriously. I mean, they are wearing their wounds like a way of identifying themselves. It shouldn't be that way.
Even though I'm not much for trying to quit right now, I know that I do want to quit. And I have all the reasons for quitting, it's just that I'm not strong enough for that now - will I ever be?
As long as listening to music, taking anxiolytics prescribed to me, playing WoW or watching tv-shows still aren't enough to even take the edge of my anxiety and "need" to cut - I just can't make the effort to stop. I'm too much of a mess, and I can't even promise that one I'll be ready, cause I honestly don't think that I ever will.
Cause when you've been at it for as long as I have, it becomes a way of life. It's not that I identify myself with it, it's more like I don't know how to live without it.
Over to something a little less depressive. I'm trying to level up a gnome in WoW to 20, only so that I can get a mechanical chicken for a mount. They are so awesome! But I really don't like gnomes, for some reason, so it's a bit annoying that mine won't level any faster. Also crossed by a couple of blood elves on my path and they laughed at me. I would too. Blood elves are so beyond awesome and I hate gnomes. Oh well...
Now I shouldn't complain, I know that, and also I'm already at level 19, so I got one fucking level left for a choice that I made entirely myself. So come on, what am I really complaining about? Be right back, just gonna hit that damn level and then happily go back to my belf.
No comments:
Post a Comment