Whispers

I just stumbled upon a colour named "octarine" by Terry Pratchet, basically a perfect description of my favourite Dalarian colour. I've never heard of or read that description anywhere before. How is that even possible? That there's a word for a colour I believed to be the only one have ever seen? I remember more colours from Dala, but not as vividly as this particular one, cause I actually saw it with my own very eyes once. That it can be described as a flourescent, electrical yellow-pink-purple colour. But it's not really, though they didn't mentioned that. In split seconds I see something else, but can't focus on it. Octarine, it's a nice name for it though. I'll keep that in mind in the future. So it's not a made up colour, someone must have seen it before Terry Pratchet wrote about it. It can't be a coincidence! Dalarian or not, this is my favourite colour! I definately have to mention this to my parents, they're big fans of Pratchet. And I might actually read that book too, if they have it in their collection at home.

I hear voices when I'm in my bed trying to fall asleep. From the wall that leeds out to the street. My window is closed and it doesn't at all sound like the voices would come from the streets. It sounds like a couple whispering to each other, like if there was another apartment right across my bedroom, and the people living there always talks to each other in their bed when I'm trying to go to sleep. Annoying, creepy, and I feel like I'm disturbing them. It's probably just my imagination running haywire cause I'm still a bit afraid to sleep. This has happened before to me, in Gransäter where I grew up. But then I thought it was just my parents whispering to each other cause they had the bedroom right next to mine, but I was proven wrong when I heard the whispers at times they weren't even home.

Sometimes I hear these whispers in other circumstances as well. They sound just like actual people in the same or next room. Always two or more persons having a private conversation. Hissing, buzzing, giggles and mutter. So they're not actually whispering to me, but rather about me. Auditory hallucinations, okay I have those. But they're pretty minor, and I can't make out any words from it, it's just noise. So it's not like they're telling me to do stupid things or anything, I have Anna for that! Just kidding, it's actually she telling me not to do stupid things when I have a crazy idea. Cause she knows she has to deal with the aftermath if I do. The whispers are just there, creeping me out or just plain annoying.

They were very clear when I went to bed this morning, I felt like I was disturbing them with the music I played out loud. The next time I'm gonna wear ear phones instead. I constantly check if there really isn't another apartment facing that way, but there isn't. Gah, I'm going nuts! This is actually the reason I started to listen to music to help me sleep at night to begin with, so this started a really long time ago, but appearently it only works with earphones. Roger that.

The thing is, how can I really know if I have halluciations? If I have they are probably just a part of my life like everything else. The shadows flapping like wings in the corner of my eyes when I feel scared or alone. But they can't harm me. Conversations I remember having but later I'm told they didn't happen. Okay, that is sorted out, so I remembered wrong, no big deal. Sometimes when I've been staring at a picture of a person, or a character, for a very long time (like hours, or days) I start seeing it showing different facial expression depending on my mood. Not sure if that's common or not though. Just speculating. I can't think of anything more right now, but I'll definately keep an eye open. Haha, pun not intended! To be contined...