Nothing is real anymore

Still trying to figure things out, or rather just explain what I can't figure out. How can I tell what is real? is appearently a question google can't answer for me. I suppose no one can. Not being able to trust my senses is really damn annoying sometimes. Other times it's scary, confusing or even interesting, depending on my state of mind at that moment. Usually I just discard it, telling myself it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's harmless or only bugging me a little. Sometimes it's harder to discard, or even dangerous. Sometimes I think everything is real, other times I reverse it and think that nothing is real anymore.

But the thing is that I question just about everything, silly little things that really don't matter if they're real or not. Like is that a strange perfume I smell in my apartment? Has someone been in here and moved that book or have I just forgotten that I moved it myself? Did it really rain or did I just imagine it? Dreams is another such thing messing with my perception of reality. What I dreamt and what happened in reality, can be kinda hard to tell. Conversations, or places I've been to.

It's not actually the uncertainty of what my senses are telling me that is so damn annoying, but more so the consequenses of this long term confusion things I didn't question before. It's not just my computer's glitches or the stains on my shirt that are mysterious, it's every little or big thing I ever come across. Things that have been so obviously real for my entire life that I suddenly start wondering if they are a figment of my imagination. Like if my friends are real and old memories that I've been told actually happened, but then the same person that verified the memory in the first place now says it didn't happen. It's messing me up on so many levels I can hardly comprehend it!  

Does that mean the original memory was never real to begin with, but I believed that it was and remembered asking about it, but the memory of asking about the first memory was also not real? Does that mean that the third memory of asking for the second time if the first memory was real is also another fake memory? Or that the second memory of asking for the first time about the first memory was the only real one? Or was it the third memory of asking for the second time about the first memory the only real one? Or was the first memory the only real one and the other two of asking about that first memory fake? Gah... see where I'm getting at? Totally pointless asking people if my memories actually happened, cause I'd probably imagine asking about it and therefor creating another false memory!

Have I yet mentioned that I hate my brain?

Possible delusions I have/had:
- that I'm actually dead but just haven't realised it yet (recurrent)
- that people can see my true demonic form (happened once)
- that my friends and family are not real (happened a few times)
- that my whole life is just a dream and I'm lying asleep or in a coma somewhere, and that nothing I do or say matters cause nothing is real anyway (recurrent)
- that people can read my mind, or they're giving me/implanting their thoughts into my head (recurrent)
- that I'm a demon incarnate from another world (constant)
- that I can survive without eating anything/that I'm immortal, and I hate it (recurrent)
- that I've been cursed by someone (somewhat constant)
- that I've through magic have altered my looks (constant)

Does this mean I truly believe these are actual delusions and not real? Nope, it doesn't, but I try to put them in an objective perspective. That others might consider them such, but I could be wrong. The thing about delusions is that the person experiencing them believe that they are real, so it's kinda hard to tell from where I'm standing.