I'm still up. Watched a movie that made me think a lot. Things that annoyed me, things that made me wonder, things I tried to explain. How locked in am I in my own beliefs? Am I simply theist, or more gnostic? I don't know. Sometimes I like to believe that I'm open to all possibilites, and maybe I am, but all too often I find myself critisising that which I'm not certain of in my own belief. Or is my questioning rather a sign of me actually being open to other possibilities? I'm so certain of the existence of God, Satan, angels and demons. I don't just believe in those, I know they are real, but how they manifest to me isn't always how they manifest to others that are also believers. I don't really think they are wrong and I am right, cause it's only my perception with no right and wrong answers, but I can't help thinking that.
The thing about demonic possession is what's been bothering me the most lately. I'm torn, on the matter. Because I see myself as one of the creatures of darkness, a demon incarnate, it's hard for me to understand the possibility that demons in other shapes would possess a human like that. I mean, what's in it for the demon? I know not all demons are nice and civilised like me, especially those who weren't born as human, but I have a hard time believing they would find any meaning in doing that. I mean, it's not something you'd do out of boredom. Or have I become more human now, to the point that I've forgotten what being a demon really means? I also know though, that even demons differ in from each other, and one can be quite unlike one another. So just because I'm, or my kind isn't into possession, it doesn't necessarily mean others aren't either.
On the other hand, in my obsession about mental illness, it's true that most so called demonic possessions occur in persons with psychotic symptoms, and many of those persons might or could have been diagnosed with schizophrenia or the like. Therefor a part of me would like to believe that is the one simple answer to what's been going on there, that there were in fact no actual demon possessions. I've been torn between believing in paranormal/spiritual phenomena and science/psychology for a lifetime. I'd like to believe that science will explain what spiritualism cannot, and the other way around - but when they overlap, I don't know for which to turn.
Therein lies my dilemma. If science and spiritualism can both exist simultaneously in this world, and corelate to each other, why can't I make sense of it? Maybe I should be clearer: this isn't just about demonic possession, but about all things in this world. Everything. From the dawn of time and creation of the universe to all those little coincidences that we can't explain. I realise I'm diving into very deep water here, and there is usually where I tend to drown, so I'm gonna step out of it before I reach into darwinism, quantum physics, religion and paranormal phenomena. Time for bed.
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