Healthy

I made a schedule for fixed times when I'll be eating during the day. It looks kinda funky, cause considering my sleeping habits I had to be a little creative. So... breakfast at 15:00, lunch at 18:00, snack at 21:00, dinner at 23:00 and a last snack at 01:30. Bed time at 3:30, or whenever between three and four in the morning. See how long I'll be able to keep this up, with exceptions if something comes up, of course.

I seem to have fucked up my sleep again. Why does that always happen!? I've been so careful... I'm supposed to take one Lergigan and one Mitrazapin for the night and that I do. Then I purposely stay up another *thinking* five hours, take another Lergigan, wait a moment but nothing happens. Then I take an Imovane, wait for the effect but nothing happens. Then I take a glass of juice with vodka (strong drink) and eventually fall asleep after 7 o'clock in the morning. That is at least three hours too damn late! The fuck should I do!? I can't empty the whole damn cabinet of pills every damn night! Besides, I really don't have enough of a stash for doing so either. I could probably do that for just a few more days. And one drink a day is probably not so much to worry about, but wasn't I suppose to get better habits, not worse?

Well at least I'm trying. I'm trying to decide for a movie to watch, not feeling up for tv-series tonight. Gonna go for a night walk later too, so I should plan a movie around that, I mean. Haven't weighed myself for a while again, cause whenever I think of it I'm too lazy to undress, would rather do something else, or just dreading it. I won't stop losing weight until I'm thin, average is just not good enough. I want to be able to see my collar bones again and the bones in my hands through the skin. Don't worry, I don't want to look like skeleton, not unhealthily thin, but yeah thin. I probably won't mention my ideal weight, but it was ten years ago I last had it.