Did or didn't

I wonder about the fact that the first and only "ghost" I saw was Anna. I can't figure out if that's really what I saw, a ghost, and then adapted her looks on my imaginary friend. Or if that means I'm just a little schizo? Well, that might be the wrong word here, since I think it's closer to DID, but whatever. I remember thinking I had Schizophrenia when I was twelve, and then googling it, but it didn't add up. Around that time I snapped at people mixing up Schizophrenia with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or Multiple Personality Disorder. And shocking them saying I might have it, just for fun. I realised later most teenagers don't keep track of those sorts of things. Hey, most adults don't either! Sometimes I go to internet forums like "We DID it" (which is an awesome name by the way!) just to see if I'm even sniffing in the right field. I'm not so desperate to know anymore, just curious, and it's a rather interesting condition too.

I'm also thinking of changing a main character in a book that I'm writing (though I've been taking time off it for a while, just because my characters were too dull to get the story moving), so that he will have DID, but if I'm gonna do that I have to know what the fuck I'm writing about first. I hate reading about fiction characters in books, or seeing in movies, with mental disorders that doesn't add up! It would be utterly embarrasing to make such a mistake when I'm so damn interested in psychiatry!

I'll have to deal with my own DID symptoms after I'm done changing my body to look more male and only have to worry about getting testosterone, but by then I'll be legally male and sterile so they'll just have to suck it up and give me hormones. Even if they'd think they messed up letting me go the whole FTM journey medically due to a little mental disorder making me think I have a girl living inside my head. Yeah, I'm planning on getting sterilised in the future, for various reasons. One is that I'd probably be the worst parent ever since the 19th century, another is that I want to have bottom surgery. Yeah, yeah I know hysterectomy itself is bottom surgery, but you know what I mean, right?

Then I can go babbling about Anna with various shrinks, if I haven't managed to kill her all on my own by then, that is.

Me: ...just say yes.
Anna: Are you asking me to marry you?
Me: Maybe I'm asking for a divorce.