Homesick

When I saw my true demonic form in a mirror the first time, my heart jumped out of my chest. I was like "Jesus fucking christ!" and banged into the door-frame. Horrid, to say the least. Horns and strange shapes allover, deep sunken eyes in an undetermined colour, a wide snarl with sharp teeth, a wide and long nose, long pointy ears and a huge pair of horns curled from my forehead down to my shoulders. Looked like a rabid dog on meth, if I didn't know it was a demon staring back at me. All my fears confirmed, sort of. I wasn't very pretty, to be honest. Talking about being afraid of your own mirror reflection!

Nah, I'm not really afraid of my true form, but I was quite shocked, nearly to the point of heart attack. Or at least fainting. In retrospect, I'm still ugly as fuck as a demon, but I can't get away from that I miss being so. Not ugly, but having my demon body. I do realise I can't walk around like that in this world, even if I could, but I wish I could at least just... I don't know... redress? Just a little every now and then, in my own living room or so. That would help me feel a bit more comfortable, to be in my right body sometimes. To be able to really stretch my wings or wiggle my tail, actually have a reason to "watch my horns" while walking under something low where it says "watch your head" and stuff like that. Though I suppose it could be tricky using a computer with claws? Pressing the wrong keys all the time, I mean.

I just get this quite funny image of me as a demon, sitting by my computer, singing along to Aqua and spilling tea allover myself. If someone was to pass by the window... just saying.

I should probably stop dreaming about Dala and my long lost love, who I call "Caspian" (though I doubt that's his real name, cause it's taken from Narnia), cause I get so damn homesick and just wanna crawl into his arms and hold him forever. Maybe this is why I can't really get attached to humans anymore, cause I just can't stop thinking about him! And then I have Vargyl, of course. The more I think of and write about him and Dala, the more I seem to remember. Not quite sure how that works exactly, but through writing, I'm unlocking memories.