It's home and it's hell

Bought a grey, three piece suit second hand, today. Wool-mix, 200 kr. The jacket fits, the pants are like made for me and the waist coat is too big, but that can be fixed. Can't help but wonder how the guy who initially bought it looked like, since the waist coat is bigger than the jacket... but oh well. So now I have my first suit! Keep looking for one in tweed though, so that I can look stunningly brittish. Or something like that.

Feeling a bit more cheerful today. Sitting all by myself, listening to Alphaville, drinking cheap wine and trying out clothes might have something to do with it.

Too lazy to make a proper lunch, so I'm eating vegetables with mayonnaise. I really love mayonnaise, I'm eating it like others might eat ketchup, which I don't eat at all nowadays. Only with hot dogs. Why am I writing about this? Beats me. Seems like I'm eating healthier when I'm alone at home, less influence from what my family members are eating, I suppose. Probably also because their fridge is so stuffed I can't even fit in a tiny little tomato there, so I just had some of mom's müsli instead. Okay, I ate two cartons full. I'm dreading the scale right now.

Yeah, I think I can call my apartment "home" now. When I had just gotten out from the psych-ward I said to Anna: my apartment, it's home and it's hell. The hell-part is what I always bring with me, no matter where the fuck I live. So yeah, it's home. The reason why I can call it that so soon after moving in, has a lot to do with that I don't have to worry about being kicked out or evicted, and it's not just a temporary solution. It's long term, and that gives me some sort of comfort, even though I won't let my guard down completely. That will probably take at least a year.

I'm counting down the days to August when things will start moving the right way on this island. Rid it of tourists and get the people living here to get home from their vacations. Before that though, I'm gonna have some blood tests taken. The list of what they will test for is very long, and I have to get my ass to the district health care centre in the actual morning someday soon. They're gonna test my testosterone levels among other stuff, and I can't help but wonder what they will show. Am I doing good or bad with my self medication? I have a slight sensations it might be a bit too low, but I'm not sure if I can increase the dosage due to how much I have left. If I'm really, really lucky they will give me testo right away, but then it's more likely they will do that at a later appointment. I only have 61 dosages left.

I'm counting down the days until my very best friends come to visit me. I miss them so much, there aren't enough words! We have so much to catch up on, how will two days be enough? Well, it just has to be, if that's what it has to be.