Not so good at living

I think I have yet another delusion, or hallucination, I'm not sure which. That I can hear, or sense, that Satan is talking to me. It might just be a religion thing, I don't know. I'm really trying to be realistic here, but it's not easy when you can't tell what's real.

Aw fuck... nothing really. Just that I'm scaring people away by just being me. I was on Dayviews of all places, when some guy chatted me up. He seemed alright, even a bit interesting, and I thought since he's writing to me there he's got to have checked my profile on that site. Or flickered through my pictures. But then he asked me if I'm a guy or a gal. So obviously he didn't, and when I was done rolling my eyes and sighing I figured I'll just tell him the truth. Then there were no more answers. I hate it when that happens!

I remember before, when lots of people gave me attention, before I became a wreck. But now... I'm lowering my standards to an absolute minimum when it comes to dating people. Think I had low standards before? I'm not good enough for those people now. I'm on nobody's radar, so I have to look for other people who are also on nobody's radar. And I still end up alone a lot.

I'm still worried I might be psychotic, or falling into some sort of psychosis. There have been signs, you know. Some of those I will never consider being delusions, even though all things points to that. My Dala is not a delusion, it's my home. Me being a demon incarnate is true cause of what I remember, and due to that I know the meaning of my life. If that isn't real, then my life here is meaningless and I'll have nothing to go back to!

This really messes with my head, and tearing me up inside. What if all of my newly unlocked memories are fake? Cause I can't tell the difference... can't I just go back to thinking I have DID? Somehow that saying "fuck my life" seems legit nowadays.