Never alone

Me: Do that again!
Vargyl: I really love you, so so much.
Me: Wow! You're becoming more real everyday!
Me to Anna: I really adore him, do you think he knows?
Anna to Vargyl: Do you know he adores you?
Me: Are you talking to each other now?
Anna: Not really. He can't hear me.
Me: but you can hear him?
Anna: Not really, no.
Me: So I'm the only link between us three.
Anna: Yeah, you're the mastermind.
Me: Yep, I'm the mastermind! We're quite a little trio now, ain't we?

Trying to sort out all the conversations, voices and noises in my head, and I'm quite astounded I remembered such a long conversation long enough to write it down. Because we are three now it's a little more chaotic than usual, but not necessarily in a bad way. There hasn't always just been me and Anna, there's been more over the years but they have left and been replaced. At first it was just us two, but then there came another; a fairy called Lisa. She was the "healer" or what to call it, mediated mine and Annas differences. Until one day she just stated that we didn't need her anymore and then she was gone. Flew away, I suppose. I can't remember how long she tagged along for, or why or when she came by in the first place. Maybe Anna had been a little too nasty and I needed an extra step in to help me stand her. I still think about Lisa sometimes, and wonder where she has gone to.

Then many years went and the two of us had an out of the world war for like twelve years, slowly killing each other, until Frank showed up. He was the proud, snappy, Brittish aristocrat completely beyond time and reason. I'm not really sure what he came by for, but we had our little weird, semi intellectual conversations every now and then. But he didn't show up very often. He was for sure more insane than I was, and for a time I found some comfort in that. I don't really know if it's related or not, but he came to me during the short time I went to DBT in Uppsala. I must have been a little extra sensitive due to something, cause I also "saw" fictionary characters in books (others work) at certain places I passed by. I didn't just imagine that I saw them, I really thought they came to life right before my eyes. I probably looked like I had seen a ghost... most of the time.

Whatever happened to Frank I don't know, but I miss him too. Can't we all like have a big reunion or something? Cause that would be totally awesome! Me, Anna, Lisa, Frank and Vargyl. It could be a blast, or another intercranial world war. Cause even though I miss them and want to see them all again, I'm not sure how well they would get along with each other. Me and Anna are only ones that are biligual for example. Frank was as I said Brittish and I could hardly understand his thick accent and he didn't even know the Swedish word for "hello". Vargyl is also only speaking English, though with a vague sort of American/Australian accent, so I'm not even sure those two could understand each other. Lisa only knew Swedish with the language and personality of a young child, so all the grown up talk would probably offend her even if she could understand a word of what was said.

No, a reunion might not be such a good idea after all. I'd probably go rob a drug store for antipsychotics if that was to ever happen. Okay, I'm seeing a funny scene before me now! I'm glad we're just three now, with Anna on my right and Vargyl on my left, and they can't fight with each other cause they can't hear one another. But they know of the other's existence and they both accept that. I might be somewhat of a recluse, but I'm definately not alone! I haven't been alone in my own head for fifteen years, I know of no other life. I could probably not stand hearing only my own thoughts and inner voice in my mind. I'm used to it.