Hours and tries

It's getting harder to fall asleep lately. The whispers are making me anxious, and I hear them through the loudest possible music. I've read somewhere that taking sleeping pills can make you have hallucinations (hypnagogia) right before falling asleep, but as far as I know, the pills I take are more like mild sedatives, but maybe that's enough. Funny, the pills I take to help me fall asleep are making it harder for me to fall asleep. Well that's medication in a nut case.

Though it's likely to be something else, like the fact that I'm just sensitive to things when it comes to sleeping. My dreams are extremily vivid, I sometimes have night terrors, or talk in my sleep and I've had some lucid dreaming as well. So this hypnagogia thing is probably just something like that. I can't recall exactly when I started to have this, but somewhere in my early to mid teens. Which was when I started to be able to control my actions in my dreams as well, but it didn't go very well. I was aware of that I was dreaming and could change the course the dream was taking, but it glitched. Like a computer game! I couldn't really control my body and the other people in the dream stared at me as if they were watching an animal at a zoo. But still lucid dreaming.

I woke up several hours ago, ate breakfast and had a cup of tea. Burnt some incense and did some puzzle but I'm still barely awake. My mind is somewhere else, hardly aware of the world around. I try to read but the words read pass by unnoticed, leaving me unable to comprehend what I was trying to understand. I watch some pictures and although they are interesting, the colours and shapes make no sense, together or seperated. Not even the music manages to reach beyond my ears into my dulled mind. I need a wake up call, something to rattle me beyond my senses, but it's too early for gruesome gore. Or maybe it isn't? I need to awaken from my internal slumber and see what I'm looking at, hear what I listen to, feel what I touch, sense what I smell and notice the world around me. Why does it take so long for me, so many hour and tries until I finally break free and wake up for real? And the other way around, why does it take so many hours and tries to unwind and find peace enough to fall asleep after the day is done?