So I just got back from my doctor's appointment, and things don't look so good. Not good at all. I told them maybe I should have gone there sooner, but they said it probably wouldn't have helped anyway. I'm in this raging calm where I'm trying to understand things. Trying to tell myself it could have been worse somehow.
From outside, you wouldn't be able to tell a difference, my chaos is locked inside me. Maybe it will show more as I will come to terms with these news, but I don't know. What news? I'm gonna lose my nipples. They're dead. Thought it was just scabs, but no, I was wrong. That was the nipples themselves. The ickyness underneath must have been the flesh/fat tissue I saw.
The only good thing is that it doesn't seem to be infected and I don't have a fever and it doesn't hurt. But yeah, they're gonna fall off in time. I have a new appointment on Tuesday, hopefully my doctor has gotten in tough with my surgeon by then and we'll figure out what to do. Just one sentence: bad things always happen to me.
Well, at least I never liked or wanted sensation in my nipples, so it's not like I lose something I'd miss terribly much. More worried about how it's gonna look to be honest. Very worried about that, but trying to let time take care of things for a while and do what is necessary instead. To heal would be priority number one, then take care of the rest. That's it for now, I'll keep you posted.
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