Care and hair

Another sleepless night. Though I don't get them that often anymore. Maybe once a week. Lied in my bed after waking up from a dream around 4:00 this morning, weighing pros and cons of getting up versus staying in bed. With the score of 3 vs. 4 getting up won.

I had my first dream in which I was post op tonight. In the dream I was lurking around the house where I grew up and met the husband of the family living there now (I have no idea who lives there now, but I think it is a traditional family, or so I've heard). We decided to take a road trip in the area and talk about whatever related to the fact that we had both lived in the same house, and then we totally fucked in his car. And yeah, I was post op in that dream...

It's like whatever "state" I'm in, it is reflected in my nightly dreams with only a few exceptions. Whether I was living as a girl, stopped trying to be a girl, angsty pre-everything transsexual, on hormones and now after top surgery.

Quite a journey, eh? When I look back I think it's nice to see how far I've gotten, you know. Maybe you do the same, cause we all change, even if you don't go through a sex change. It could be positive I mean, to rather see the progress to the better, than to be ashamed of how you've lived your life "wrong" before. Cause maybe it was "right" back then? I mean, maybe that was the only thing close to right you could do with what you had in amounts of time, events, courage, money, age and wisdom. I wasn't ready to transition when I was 16, wasn't ready to take that battle, so I can honestly say that I did what I could about the situation that I was in.

I need to wash my hair, cause it's getting nasty again. Can't decide if I should shower again though, cause that would be hitting the cap of allowed number of showers in a week. I'm way too impatient for my own good. Just let it be, let it heal, let it take the time it needs... Cause there really isn't anything else that I can do. But I just wanna inspect and see how it looks right about every five minutes.

Wanna bleach my hair again. Carefully as hell though, of course. Not a single drop will be anywhere near my chest. I'm always wearing protective clothes and towels to avoid skin contact and to not freeze my ass off meanwhile, so it should work.

But if I'm gonna bleach it today or tomorrow or whenever I find a good product to use, I really have to wash my hair first. But I could do everything in the sink if necessary. It's harder to reach everywhere and half my bathroom becomes flooded though. Maybe I'll decide later on.