Up to snuff

I seem to stick to the snuff I bought, I don't react the same way to it as I did way before, last time I tried. The taste may not be fantastic, but it's alright. It's always bothered me the way it's sort of "runny" or what to say, and it still is, but drinking lots of water solves that problem, and trying not to swallow so much. I got this really femme cute kind, the box is pink with a stylish font that says "Mocca mint". Cause I wanted something with a taste to it, and licorice mint seemed nice.

So well eh... macho to take snuff... from a pink little box. Well, that's me in a nut shell! Or I could always buy General or something and switch the content, cause it is a little embarrassing in public. Me embarrassed? Well, it's rare but it can happen.

I realise snuff isn't very healthy, but it's better than smoking now when I'm healing from the operation, and since I still take a lot of nicotine from gums and patches (and I mean a lot) it's not so much of a difference for the time being. I don't think I'll continue with it though, or maybe I will and just combine it with smoking. However, I just try to get by without the cigarettes. I just can't deal with that endless needing and wanting.

Every day, several times a day, I feel that craving. And sure I can stand it most of the time, I know I won't be able to stand it for much longer. It's enough of a reason that the need to not smoke is greater than the need to smoke right now, but as I will heal more with time, that need will lessen and gosh I just know myself way too well sometimes!

Knowing when I won't be able to stay smoke free anymore, as like the way I know when I will or won't be able to fall asleep without even trying, as I know what I will or won't be able to eat in some time in the future. I do predict my own future with astonishingly correct results. For better or worse, but mostly for the worse. It's good that I know myself so well, in the general term, but it's also not so nice to know when and how things will fail. If you know what I mean, that can and has killed my dreams and lust for things I wanted to do or avoid. Okay, that was just a side note.