Almost there

I still haven't taken any pictures of my chest post op, or shown to anyone except nurses and of course the surgeon. But I'm getting there. I'm gonna have my second shower this week on Friday or so (if I can wait that long), so I plan on taking some pictures then. It's still a little swollen and the wounds are still... well, wounds. Not for the faint of heart, perhaps. Since even I almost fainted.

I still need to get used to it, but I'm so happy to be rid of the boobs. It's kinda hard to describe just how happy I am over that! Though, healing process is slow and I wish there was a way to just speed it up a little. It's not quite like any self harm wounds I've ever had, those that healed and became scars within just a few days. Though I do know my way around wounds a bit, which is sad, but kinda helpful in a way.

But it's been a little over a week already, so time moves faster than I think. Though, patience is not my strongest side. I haven't told so many people in person, guess I just want it to heal before I show off, and I don't want acquaintances who know me as a guy to suddenly picture me with boobs.

It feels like I'm getting closer to being able to put this whole trans deal behind me. Like I won't have to worry about it so much, that I can pass and be me without so much restrictions because of the way my body looked/looks. I've always been a guy, but finally I'm starting to look like one as well.

Now the dysphoria is finally fading, as I get more comfortable with the way I look and how it feels. It might not be obvious, but to me it's actually more important how it feels rather than how it looks. Like being able to put my hand on my chest and actually feel my heartbeats, holding my arms tightly wrapped around me without anything being in the way. Touching the scruff on my chin, the way my voice trembles in my throat.

But of course it's very important how I look as well, or I wouldn't be hiding in baggy clothes, packing and binding as I did before. If I really didn't care what I looked like I would walk around in a track suit and stop washing my hair. Would still transition though. Would still transition.