Daylight

Oh damn I'm so tired. Maybe I had a little too much Lergigan tonight? 100 mg and I'm supposed to take 50. But I couldn't fall asleep, had to do something. My dreams were so fucked up that I didn't know where I was when I woke up. Waking up in panic like that is never any fun.

My eye is a lot better now. Meant to write that sooner here but then I got tired and forgot to give a damn about it. Not much else going on in my life now. Still playing a lot of WoW, and no I still haven't gotten that damn belt, despite that I persisted to run through that dungeon again and again every day, even though I could hardly see during this weekend.

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow, which is good cause I really need to get out more. Feels like I'm starting to rot in here now, growing stuck on this chair. So I kinda need to move around a bit, see some daylight. It's like my mind or something avoids sunlight like the plague, cause no matter how hard I try I just can't get up at dawn on my own. Whether I've slept for 3, 8 or 18 hours I still seem to "need" to keep sleeping until dusk. Very annoying.

I hate that, cause I'm tired of the darkness. Maybe that is a depression thing, or maybe it's just me. That I only get comforted by the darkness when I'm down and then I also feel taunted by the light. But when I'm not depressed (yes, it has happened before) the light makes me feel more alive and the darkness brings me down. Maybe that's how "ordinary" people react on it too.

Not sure how I define "ordinary" people, cause I know everyone is different. I suppose I see it as a sliding scale where those who stand out less noticeable than the freaks and cool people do, end up in an "ordinary" or "normal" category by my standards. But of course I would never tell anyone that I think they're plain.

Anyways, I think some sunlight can do me some good. Make me feel a bit more alive, and perhaps give me some energy. Or something resembling energy. What I'm trying to say is that my expectations are pretty low, and most likely I'll still be tired and weak even if the sun is shining on me. But I really hope and think that this spring and summer will be a lot better than last year's. After all, it doesn't take much to reach that goal, since I was in a pretty terrible shape back then. Can only get better than that.