Habits

That cigarette craving comes and goes, and today it's really strong, pestering me with its presence. Can't I just have one tiny little cigarette? Nope, I know what it's like with relapses: it gets worse afterwards. Yeah, I actually had a tiny relapse before the surgery, as I smoked one (last) cigarette on February 14th. Totally justified, I hope you can agree on, but damn it was so hard to continue being smoke free after that relapse.

So I went to the doctor/nurse for my check up today, and now I can finally take a shower! I got some instructions on how to care for my wounds and she said it looks fine and heals up nicely, which of course is very good to hear. I had like a thousand questions to ask as well, thought that it's better to be safe than sorry. And I'm free to call them if I have more questions or if there's any change for the worse about my wounds.

Though that binder thingy is starting to smell a bit now... and I'm supposed to wear it for two or three more weeks 24/7 so I won't be able to wash it. Why can't they have given me two so that I could wash one after the other to keep it a little cleaner? Though I suppose I could use my old binder for the same purpose for a single day while washing this one. I see no reasons why not, but I'll have to think about it.

I had absolutely no problem flashing my chest to the nurse, by the way. It just felt natural somehow, nothing embarrassing about a young man's chest. Isn't it funny how fast you can get used to something positive? And before you think it, no it's got nothing to do with the fact that it was a nurse, I'm equally embarrassed or not no matter who I'm with or in what situation. Because when it comes right down to it, we are all human beings no matter what we do for a living or how sterile the room we are in is.

It's still healing up really good. No swelling or bruising. Nothing odd at all. It does seem a bit weird to me, I mean I have the worst luck ever in so many places and ways that I just count on everything to get complicated. So when something good finally happens I think that it's because of magic or the gods doing some neat tricks to keep me alive just a little bit longer or something. However, it is very nice when things go well, I'm not complaining. Just that I have a hard time believing it.