For whatever reason

I dreamt that I was challenged by an old classmate of mine (from elementary school) to live in a "typical" gay partnership with him. He's straight, and it was just a game including no smooches, but pretty fun! I don't remember for how long that challenge went on for, but at least a week, maybe more. I didn't want to stop when I had won it, and got a nice diploma. Then I woke up with a smile.

But really, am I that desperate that I would even consider being in a fake relationship with someone? Am I that lonely?

So I was at that daily activity centre again yesterday, and with mixed emotions, I guess you could say. First of all, I really hate it when everyone want to see the art projects that I bring there. I'm not there to show off or brag, I just want to have something to do. Besides, it's not that good.

Secondly, the people I meet there are quite a bunch of odd balls. Sure I fit right in, but it does make me a bit uncomfortable sometimes. I notice if they are very shy, scared or look kinda lost there, and some people are downright intimidating but I don't know why. Like this guy who always almost steps on my toes (literally, I'm watching my feet whenever he's nearby) and obsesses about crossword puzzles really makes me wanna run far away. I don't even know why.

The staff there is quite alright though, but it's them who always want to see everything I bring. To compliment and ask a gazillion questions, as if I am some kind of expert. So why do I keep showing up there if it's weirding me out? Well, I don't have much else to do, and I feel as though I sort of have to. Either to please my parents (like hey, I'm actually trying to make something out of my miserable life) or because I actually want to try making something out of my miserable life. I'm not quite sure which one of those it is.