Maybe

I want to be with him, but will I ever? Will I ever? It's the question that only one answer will suffice for. One, not the other. I don't even want to imagine the devastation it would bring me if the answer is "no". And still it hangs in the air, the only answer I have that isn't actually an answer. That "maybe" is the only thing I cling to.

A simple maybe to answer all of my questions regarding him. The void it leaves me, like a shallow breath that neither warms or feels cold. Like a space between time and room, perfectly still.

What is it to hold on to? The resemblance of an answer, something not completely whole, so fragile yet unbreakable. Like a soap bubble it is, perfect in it's own atmosphere, but so easily breaks. But it cannot break by its own, because only the real answer can.

A maybe is like a middle ground, it is safe between yes and no, because it leaves all the doors open. But with a maybe you get nowhere. Stranded in that safety, it won't get you anywhere. And I'm lost in it, I lose myself in it on purpose because I'm afraid of choice. Most of all I'm afraid of the choice another person has to make. What I cannot control, and I sit patiently and wait. Waiting for what may never happen just because I'm too afraid to act.