My moodswings are making me really confused and I can't answer how a single day has been (or night, more accurately). I'm shifting between feeling fine and creative one moment, the next I'm sad and selfdestructive and another moment I'm pissed off and hating myself. Just to mention a few that occurs every day/night.
Annoying thing about those that work where I live: Every morning they ask me if I have been up all night, as if that's a crime. Well I have to be awake sometime!
Okay this is kinda sad, but I've been thinking about why I decided to move to Gotland and the phrase that came to me was: "I have a hundred friends and no one wants to be with me." Cause that's the truth. I didn't see anyone except for my psychiatrist every week and my best friend every other month - for a year. I had all the time in the world, morning, afternoon, evening and night every day of the week, every week. I tried to hook up with some of my friends, but was declined. How busy can they be?, I thought to myself, realizing I had no reason to live in Uppsala anymore. No, I don't know if that was true, that nobody wanted to hang with me, or if I just caught everone at bad timing. I want to believe that isn't true, but I honestly don't know what to believe. That's why I avoided Facebook too, was too damn upset to care about anyone or anything outside of my parents house. I still don't know what's going on, but I just missed you all. And if Facebook entries is all I'm gonna get, that's better than nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment