My heart aches. I can feel the razors cutting it to strings that slowly suffocates me. My own heart is suffocating me. Over and over and all I can hope for is that I finally stop breathing. Yes, I am in love again.
My nights are devided into three parts, like the day is for most people. I don't have mornings, afternoons or evenings. I have twilight, early night and late night to the brink of dawn. During twilight, when the sun has just started to go down until it is dark, I'm usually in a quite good mood. It only takes a few minutes until I'm digging into some fancy project or just enjoying a nice cup of tea and ten cigarettes. In the early night, somewhere between ten and two, I get low and feel rather horrible, but strangely comforted by the night. Then there is the late night, as I like to call it, during what most people would call early morning, occurs between two and five. In this time I'm starting to feel a bit lighter, usually, but tired. After that I get more and more tired until I fall asleep, somewhere in the morning. This has always been the part of the day I feel most tired. Whether I've been up all night and slept during the day as a part of a daily scedule, or have a normal rythm. Or anything inbetween. The time between six and eleven in the morning I am a zombie just risen from the grave. And I mean that literally of course.
It's also the coldest time of the day, and maybe that plays into it. Being cold has always made me more tired, but I can't fall asleep if I'm not warm. I'm basically a reptile, so my bedroom has to be either really warm or I need a shit load of duvets, comforters and blankets, usually at least one of each, sometimes more. Sometimes it's not enough no matter what I do and desperately I end up trying to sleep in my winterjacket, mittens, wool socks and scarf. When I'm freezing like that I'm going through hell. I remember one particular winter that was just like that. December 2010, I shall never forget you.
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