Ordeal or deal with it

I've quite recently noticed that Anna is also affected by my nicotine addiction. She says things like "there's no cigarette in your hand, fix it" or "it's been like twenty minutes since you last smoked!" with a desperate voice of sudden cravings that I find rather amusing. She's always been against it and recented it until just a couple of weeks ago or so. I suppose heavy smoking that makes the body crave for high doses of nicotine - often can make even the most anti-smoker develop some cravings. It can't be easy being completely anti-smoking, non-drinker, hating music and being a fashion-opposer and living in the same body as me. She mostly just zones out or start bitching about it until I zone out. Sometimes I don't think she's effected the same way by all that stuff I do, since I'm the one who "owns" the body and she is just a host in it.

She can take control over some parts of my body with much effort for short moments and often against my will. Everything from taking control over my hands to write something (we have very different hand writing: mine is clumsy, almost childish with hard pressure and all over the place, while hers is cursive, neat and with light pressure), throwing things I like that she doesn't, walk somewhere she knows I'll never go just to freak me out, and even raping me.

Saying that was crossing the line is a huge understatement and our relationship the following months were excrutiating. But I think she just wanted me to understand how much it affected her that I refused to let her take over once in a while. I thought maybe she could have thought of a better, less horrible way of telling me that. I was more than pissed off, but most of what I felt was assaulted and I think I went through some lighter form of PTSD. I mean, I had already been sexually abused twice and wasn't going to let it happen a third time. I don't know if I can even consider it a rape in the actual sense, cause of... well yeah the obvious. It isn't something you would bring up in court exactly. "Hey my invisible friend took over my body an raped me" I can just imagine the head lines! ...and the next twenty five years in a straight jacket.

After we somewhat got over that we came to an agreement that I would let her do the driving a little once in a while, as long as she tells me about it first. I mean, she had a good point after all. But I will never forgive her for what she did and the horrible consequenses it led us both into. Those months afterwards... we were fighting like never before, hated each other to the extent we couldn't stand living together. Locked together in hatred. It was vital we could put it behind us and agree to disagree. We're like siamese twins, there's no escape.