Talking, hearing, writing, sleeping, ageing

It's been an okay day, without all too intence moodswings. Just three major anger outbursts and once I laughed hysterically. No kidding, this means I've been considerable docile today. Not thinking so much about the nightmare anymore, but still afraid to sleep. I will stay up tonight, just thinking about sleep makes my pulse racing. So it's completely out of the question.

Saw my contact person in my resident this afternoon and we talked for two hours. About anything and everything. From sunburns and metabolism (she's my opposite, naturally thin and hard time gaining weight) to my transgender issues and tattoos. She told me she was vision impaired the same way as I am hearing impaired, and we had a laugh about her prefering people to be on her right side while talking to them so that she can see them, and so do I so that I can hear them. It was kinda funny when we joked about competing who would stand on which side and running around each other. We seem to have a lot of things in common.

She said she's almost 26, which makes her just two years older than me. It's weird how those caretakers just seem to get younger! ...or maybe it's me getting older... I think about Ann Heberlein's book "Jag vill inte dö, jag vill bara inte leva" (it's definately one of my favourite books now and a huge inspiration to my own writing) when she mentions just this. That the psychologists she meets seem to get younger, when it's actually the other way around. Most of them I meet are young, in their twenties or early thirties, which means I'm catching up on them. Yeah I can definately see myself sitting in a waiting room at a psychiatric emergency unit at 38 years of age, wondering how all the doctors became so young.

Then I've mostly been writing. Five or six pages in one chapter, nine in another and some editing. I read somewhere you shouldn't edit until you're done writing, but I just can't stand seeing errors and leave them as such. Nor can I keep on writing without reading what I've just written. My attention span is so short I forget what I was writing about in the middle of a sentence every now and then, so I have to read the last part I wrote to get me back on track - and, obviously, spell ckeck it. Not much of a first draft then.

My registration at a hearing loss forum just got approved and I posted a few comments there. Someone there said that nerve damage hearing loss is the most common kind and also the one you can get the best help for. That kinda made me smile. I figured out that I should probably not overuse the words "that sounds good" or "as you can hear" there. Might not be appreciated. Most people there are hearing, just not so very good, but I still think it could be considered a little rude.