Setting the right mood

This is kinda weird... I just wrote a suicide note without any plans or actual thoughts on killing myself. I suppose I just wanted to write one letter that I can use for all of my in the future failed attempts. Cause I'm getting kinda tired of writing new ones all the time. So that's it. No thoughts, no plans, just the note.

I feel kinda detached today. I couldn't stay awake anymore so I fell asleep last night and slept for 14 hours. When I woke up my legs hurt from lying down in a strange angle or something, almost as if my body wasn't used to sleeping. During group therapy today I shook so much my handwriting got very messy. Perhaps my body is still in some sort of shock after those 50 hours of insomnia. Now the sun has just started to rise and I'm not planning on going to sleep. Yup, I'm gonna keep up this insane insomnia, this night was just a mishap. After all, you can't die from insomnia, but it sure hurts.

I've been writing a lot today again, jumping between chapters and different parts of the same chapter. The one about 2010/2011 is getting kinda long, so I'm trying to decide if I should split it in two. It's already at 9 pages and I haven't even gotten to November 2010 yet. But I haven't really proof-read it yet so there's probably a lot of unneccasary stuff there. I try to keep each chapter rather short, cause that's the way I like it when reading others books. A thick book with endlessly long chapters is a nightmare for me, but maybe that's because I'm not such a big reader and too much text makes me lose track of where I was last time I read. I have a ton of reference material from that time, at least ten pages of diary writings a day and even more on this blog. Digging through Spotify to find what I listened to during each era as inspiration. Often leads to strong emotions with these combined though. I realise I write a lot of things on this blog and find it so good I translate it into Swedish to use for my book. Not so much the other way around though. Anyways, back to writing!