Tasteless

Major tripped on my computer cables today. I think they really have it in for me, since it's not uncommon for me to get entangled in them a couple of times a day, but this time I actually tripped and fell to the floor. So that was today's first anger outburst, 40 minutes after I woke up. I get angry a lot. Usually about five, six times a day unless it's a really bad day. Then it can be up to fifteen times. It's mostly over really stupid things like something I'm looking for but can't find, trying to understand something but fail miserably (usually something really humiliating, like how to open a box), drop something to the floor, tangled cables, being clumsy or trying to remember something I can't. I know that it's actually myself I'm angry at, and not the things around me. That's why it's so hard to let go once the feeling takes over, cause of the constant thoughts of what a failure I am.

It's still hard to eat. When I wake up, it takes hours before I can get anything down, other than tea. I do eat dinner though, and if I'm up during the night I might have a snack at dawn. I'd like to say that I try, but I don't. Forcing myself to eat is not gonna increase my apetite, on the contrary. The truth is I won't ever force myself to do anything if I think it will greatly make things worse, and that is the case with this. I've never liked food or eating, it might seem strange but it's true. For me it's just a necessary evil, like going to the bathroom. Sure it can feel good when you really need it, but it's not something you actually enjoy doing.