A cup of tea

Feels like there's nothing left of me. I'm empty. The fuse died again, surprizingly. Only had one left, so I pray a little to my new God down below, that this fucking fuse will work until I head off to Visby tomorrow when I can buy some more.

When the lights went out in my apartment, all I could do was to scream. I fell apart on the floor and let out the most hideous, painful cry I've ever heard from my own mouth. On the floor I cried so hard, sobbed, screamed and shivered in cramps for what felt like hours. I don't think I've ever cried like this before.

All I wanted was a cup of tea.

When it finally was over, I stumbled back on my feet and seperated my hair from my face that were basically glued together with tears and snot. I thought perhaps a shower could do me some good? After that I went to change that fuse, again, and try to make myself that cup of tea, again. Since switching on the electric kettle made everything go out, I wasn't very keen to do the same mistake again. The only wall sockets in this apartment that are NOT connected to that same fuse are ones in my bedroom.

So I made my tea in the bedroom instead. Good thing I'm creative, at least.

I have this strange hunch that mother nature is punishing the crap out of me when I don't sleep at night. Many times I've asked if she thinks that I will be able to sleep so much better when I'm pissed off and yelling my guts out. This is kinda illogical, I know. And I also know that I'm blaming all sorts of things and nothings when I'm... uhm, upset. Especially if it's something that I can't explain. I mean, how is it possible that the same fuse goes out every day three days in a row, but never before, under just that one weekend I'm feeling extra horrible? How can my internet connection know that I don't wanna live? Strange...