I'm broken. I'm broken. I'm broken. All these feeling just came out of nowhere, they're tearing me in pieces, I can't breathe. All this shame disgust hatred anger fear anxiety until there's nothing left of me. I turned off my phone I don't want any fucking texts or calls I don't wanna hear from anyone. I can't think, I can't speak. It's all chaos and chaos is all I am. I don't feel safe in my own apartment, I don't feel safe in this body that's supposed to be mine. Just wanna throw everything away and leave it there. I won't pick up the pieces this time cause if I don't I can't break apart again.This is what is left of me, a fucking bloody mess.
I'm shaking, shivering, my hands are colder than my desk, my heart beats heavy and it feels like I wanna puke, scream, cry or all at the same time. Trying not to turn to self injury again but the impulse is so strong, don't know how much more I can take.
It's just today, it's just one day... but I know it goes deeper than that. I know I've starting to fall again, but I didn't wanna see it and I didn't really but I know. My sleep is fucked up and I've basically stopped eating cause it's disgusting, I have no apetite what so ever.
and I just know somehow it will be like this for the rest of my life
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