It's been a busy night inside this tormented skull of mine. My lovesickness is taking turns for the worse, as I stated an hour or two ago in my paper diary: he, my love is starting to become my reason to live. He's reaching into my soul, slowly creating a place to permanently stay at within me. This... when it has finally gone that far, that's when lovesickness is becoming dangerous. But I believe that I'm "safer" this time because I have known already from the start that he's unavailable, that I really have no chance as of now or ever before now.
That's what broke my heart last time, but this is no guarantee at all, you should know. I could lose my hope of ever getting together with him in the future, or he could get engaged, or move far much further away like to another country. When I am at that point, the point when I only live for him and would die for him and my whole world completely revolves around him - basically anything, even the smallest little thing, could push me over the edge. The thin line between lovesickness and heartbreak.
Although heartbreak is perhaps not so obviously much worse, the pain and hopelessness is increased massively. Along with the feeling that I have lost my only reason to live. And that can happen in less than a split second. With that said, I hope you understand the real danger here.
Now I cannot tell for sure just how close I am to reaching that state, or even if I ever will. All I know is that my obsession has begun to turn into something like worship in it's true sense. My feeling are kinda creepy, but I can't deny them.
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